I know this is not going to be a popular post for many to read.
Read it all the way through before commenting, please.
I bought the movie Lion on a whim. I'd been recommended it many many times and knew I'd love it. I knew the story from articles I'd read through my adoption circles. For those who don't know, it is about a young Indian boy who gets lost, makes his way to a big city, and then ultimately is adopted by a loving Australian family. He spent several years tracing where he came from and found his biological family. It seems everyone has seen this movie except for me, so I will not be sad giving a spoiler!
I watched it with my dad who is a father of 8 children, none adopted. He has 12 grandchildren with one on the way---the 12 including my two boys---the already adopted and the preadoptive boy. I don't announce when I get placements with foster care. And I don't announce the adoptions openly. Why? Because adoptions suck.
Hear me out---adoptions are beautiful and amazing---but they also suck.
Adoptions are hard.
These kids have been traumatized. They carry baggage, pain, misery... Hugs and kisses don't heal those wounds. For Saroo, I think he needed to find his biological family to get answers to his questions. For some adoptive families, they'd be hurt that an adoptive child went looking for their biological relatives. For me, I know this is a possibility as my boys age. And when more are added (possibly!) I know they'll be looking for their biological families. As a genealogist, I have helped them track some of their biological family tree.
My boys also share my ancestry as their adoptive family. With adoptions, you're adding to their family---not replacing, not getting rid of their past---and nothing will ever change that. Some of the trauma and abuse my boys have been through is really hard. It hurts me to talk about it sometime. The people who'd hurt those boys should be punished. However, those boys also love some of the people who abused them.
I didn't announce when my second son moved in because... well, I don't want people to celebrate a child whose childhood has been forever scarred by pain. He's waited years for an adoptive home and he's struggled with finding a home which will take him. That is his story to tell. Maybe someday his story will be the next Lion movie and he'll be played as an adult by Jaden Smith or something. (Hinting at my son's race there---haha)
Watching Saroo's story made me hurt for the children out there who don't have a home. Imagining my son Jack who was placed with me at the age of 5 (who is now 7) walking the streets of an unfamiliar city hurt my heart. That small boy, lost and confused...
There are so many children who need homes. But adoption sucks on so many levels. The fact that millions of children need homes sucks because it means millions of kids have been traumatized. So while I love my boys and love that I can adopt them, there are a lot of emotions mixed up in it. It isn't simple. And adoptions don't mean a happy ending. Sometimes it means the beginning of more pain and trauma as they confront their pasts. Adoptions are a mixed bag of emotions.
My son "Jack" said that the adoption made him mad, sad and glad at the same time.
I can totally get that. Adoptions make me mad, sad and glad as well.
p.s. You REALLY need to see the movie Lion though. Come over and let's watch it.
Read it all the way through before commenting, please.
I bought the movie Lion on a whim. I'd been recommended it many many times and knew I'd love it. I knew the story from articles I'd read through my adoption circles. For those who don't know, it is about a young Indian boy who gets lost, makes his way to a big city, and then ultimately is adopted by a loving Australian family. He spent several years tracing where he came from and found his biological family. It seems everyone has seen this movie except for me, so I will not be sad giving a spoiler!
I watched it with my dad who is a father of 8 children, none adopted. He has 12 grandchildren with one on the way---the 12 including my two boys---the already adopted and the preadoptive boy. I don't announce when I get placements with foster care. And I don't announce the adoptions openly. Why? Because adoptions suck.
Hear me out---adoptions are beautiful and amazing---but they also suck.
Adoptions are hard.
These kids have been traumatized. They carry baggage, pain, misery... Hugs and kisses don't heal those wounds. For Saroo, I think he needed to find his biological family to get answers to his questions. For some adoptive families, they'd be hurt that an adoptive child went looking for their biological relatives. For me, I know this is a possibility as my boys age. And when more are added (possibly!) I know they'll be looking for their biological families. As a genealogist, I have helped them track some of their biological family tree.
My boys also share my ancestry as their adoptive family. With adoptions, you're adding to their family---not replacing, not getting rid of their past---and nothing will ever change that. Some of the trauma and abuse my boys have been through is really hard. It hurts me to talk about it sometime. The people who'd hurt those boys should be punished. However, those boys also love some of the people who abused them.
I didn't announce when my second son moved in because... well, I don't want people to celebrate a child whose childhood has been forever scarred by pain. He's waited years for an adoptive home and he's struggled with finding a home which will take him. That is his story to tell. Maybe someday his story will be the next Lion movie and he'll be played as an adult by Jaden Smith or something. (Hinting at my son's race there---haha)
Watching Saroo's story made me hurt for the children out there who don't have a home. Imagining my son Jack who was placed with me at the age of 5 (who is now 7) walking the streets of an unfamiliar city hurt my heart. That small boy, lost and confused...
There are so many children who need homes. But adoption sucks on so many levels. The fact that millions of children need homes sucks because it means millions of kids have been traumatized. So while I love my boys and love that I can adopt them, there are a lot of emotions mixed up in it. It isn't simple. And adoptions don't mean a happy ending. Sometimes it means the beginning of more pain and trauma as they confront their pasts. Adoptions are a mixed bag of emotions.
My son "Jack" said that the adoption made him mad, sad and glad at the same time.
I can totally get that. Adoptions make me mad, sad and glad as well.
p.s. You REALLY need to see the movie Lion though. Come over and let's watch it.