what the fluff...?
My life is usually a mix of happiness, sadness, grief, pain, ridiculousness and my wondering why I do not have a reality show based on my life.
My main update is that I have a teenager in my house who is preadoptive. He is a mess to be honest. His life was chaotic from the time he was very small. He has never known structure. Consistency. Love from a stable source.
I am hoping to adopt him but he is a challenge.
I am asked regularly when I'm getting a third child. I tell everyone that I need a year or two. I am far too swamped right now.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder if really my family should get away from the foster-adoption route and go more towards something else... perhaps having a baby via a surrogate? I sometimes yearn for a chance to raise a child completely from birth. No drug exposure. No addictions in the womb. No physical abuse and violence. I wonder what it would be like to raise a child who had none of that.
It isn't about my wanting a child who looks like me---actually, that is part of it, but a very small part... mostly it is to just see what it would be like not to have to wipe up tears, deal with a child who goes from loving me to hating me within minutes... a child who doesn't wish their mom would visit even though that mother is long-gone and missing... a child who wasn't born with cocaine and heroin in its tiny frail arms... and a child who had love from the very first moment of his or her life.
I sometimes wonder what life would be like to have a child like that.
I still sometimes wonder about a surrogate. I'd feel guilty though---so many children out there already.
Instead of figuring out some way to fund a surrogacy, I parent the parentless. Want the unwanted. Love the unloved.
And I guess its not such a bad life. These kids need me... :)
My main update is that I have a teenager in my house who is preadoptive. He is a mess to be honest. His life was chaotic from the time he was very small. He has never known structure. Consistency. Love from a stable source.
I am hoping to adopt him but he is a challenge.
I am asked regularly when I'm getting a third child. I tell everyone that I need a year or two. I am far too swamped right now.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder if really my family should get away from the foster-adoption route and go more towards something else... perhaps having a baby via a surrogate? I sometimes yearn for a chance to raise a child completely from birth. No drug exposure. No addictions in the womb. No physical abuse and violence. I wonder what it would be like to raise a child who had none of that.
It isn't about my wanting a child who looks like me---actually, that is part of it, but a very small part... mostly it is to just see what it would be like not to have to wipe up tears, deal with a child who goes from loving me to hating me within minutes... a child who doesn't wish their mom would visit even though that mother is long-gone and missing... a child who wasn't born with cocaine and heroin in its tiny frail arms... and a child who had love from the very first moment of his or her life.
I sometimes wonder what life would be like to have a child like that.
I still sometimes wonder about a surrogate. I'd feel guilty though---so many children out there already.
Instead of figuring out some way to fund a surrogacy, I parent the parentless. Want the unwanted. Love the unloved.
And I guess its not such a bad life. These kids need me... :)