Me: "I'm adopting a little boy from Africa."
Friend: "Oh, well, its good you have no other kids..."
Me: "Why?"
Friend: "Because this friend of one lady I know adopted two little girls from Ethiopia because its the 'thing to do' and they were sexually abused and started sexually abusing their other kids and the kids in their neighborhood..."
Me: "Hmmm...."
Insert Change of Topic.
After telling a friend that I had adoption plans, I literally was told about the sex abuse that other adoptive children were responsible for---is this supportive? Is this even a real story?
Do people really adopt because its trendy and the "thing to do" like this friend said? Or is this a fabrication on their part to convey their story?
Honestly. This conversation is worse than when I tell someone I'm adopting and they don't acknowledge it positively or negatively. I'd rather have them say "Thats lovely" and then ask me about a recipe I have for chili than go and tell me horrible adoption stories.
Do people think this is helpful? What if when she tells me about her toothache, I say "Its probably cancer. There's a woman I know who had what everyone said was a toothache. But it turned out to be a rare molar cancer caused by a beetle which burrowed into her gums while she slept. She didn't use the special beetle killing toothwash like her dentist told her to!"
Rather than being supportive, its a very negative and artificial reality. If most adoption cases were bad, I doubt there'd be many adopting. We'd have huge rallies of anti-adoption protests organized by the adoptive parents who somehow against everyone's wishes adopted... We'd have parents write entries on their adoption blog saying "What the *&^@ was I thinking adopting this angel from hell?!?! She's ruined my family!"
Next time I see a pregnant woman, I don't think a good response is going to be "Your baby is likely going to be a serial killer. Because you're a brunette and Charles Manson's mother was a brunette... your baby is likely going to murder dozens of people when he's grown!"
The only connection these Ethiopian girls have to my future hopeful-son Kabaale is that they're 1) black and 2) adopted. Neither category is all-encompassing. And even not all children who have been abused react the same way.
Adoptive parents have it hard enough through fundraising, reading books, being told they're not "real parents" and having to deal with adoption laws, lawyers, fees, etc. Don't make it harder.
So... if someone tells you about their adoption plans, rather than open your mouth and tell them that they or someone in their family will be sexually molested by the child they're going to adopt, ask for the recipe for the tuna-noodle salad they brought to the company picnic instead. Show no support nor your idiotic tendencies.
Friend: "Oh, well, its good you have no other kids..."
Me: "Why?"
Friend: "Because this friend of one lady I know adopted two little girls from Ethiopia because its the 'thing to do' and they were sexually abused and started sexually abusing their other kids and the kids in their neighborhood..."
Me: "Hmmm...."
Insert Change of Topic.
After telling a friend that I had adoption plans, I literally was told about the sex abuse that other adoptive children were responsible for---is this supportive? Is this even a real story?
Do people really adopt because its trendy and the "thing to do" like this friend said? Or is this a fabrication on their part to convey their story?
Honestly. This conversation is worse than when I tell someone I'm adopting and they don't acknowledge it positively or negatively. I'd rather have them say "Thats lovely" and then ask me about a recipe I have for chili than go and tell me horrible adoption stories.
Do people think this is helpful? What if when she tells me about her toothache, I say "Its probably cancer. There's a woman I know who had what everyone said was a toothache. But it turned out to be a rare molar cancer caused by a beetle which burrowed into her gums while she slept. She didn't use the special beetle killing toothwash like her dentist told her to!"
Rather than being supportive, its a very negative and artificial reality. If most adoption cases were bad, I doubt there'd be many adopting. We'd have huge rallies of anti-adoption protests organized by the adoptive parents who somehow against everyone's wishes adopted... We'd have parents write entries on their adoption blog saying "What the *&^@ was I thinking adopting this angel from hell?!?! She's ruined my family!"
Next time I see a pregnant woman, I don't think a good response is going to be "Your baby is likely going to be a serial killer. Because you're a brunette and Charles Manson's mother was a brunette... your baby is likely going to murder dozens of people when he's grown!"
The only connection these Ethiopian girls have to my future hopeful-son Kabaale is that they're 1) black and 2) adopted. Neither category is all-encompassing. And even not all children who have been abused react the same way.
Adoptive parents have it hard enough through fundraising, reading books, being told they're not "real parents" and having to deal with adoption laws, lawyers, fees, etc. Don't make it harder.
So... if someone tells you about their adoption plans, rather than open your mouth and tell them that they or someone in their family will be sexually molested by the child they're going to adopt, ask for the recipe for the tuna-noodle salad they brought to the company picnic instead. Show no support nor your idiotic tendencies.