There's been a lot of debating over the years about what would happen to children from atypical families. Single parents. LGBT parents. Extended family acting as parents.
Sometimes these types of families make people uncomfortable.
Children of single mothers are pretty prominently accepted, overall. These children are often pitied because the fathers are evidently always bad guys... No one seems to question their parenting abilities.
Children of single fathers are oddities. No one seems to believe that fathers are fully capable of raising children. Many assume without a mother, a child is losing out on life.
Children of LGBT parents face some of the same issues as children of single parents. If a child has two mommies or two daddies, they assume that these children are losing out on something very fundamental. I agree... but I also disagree.
You see... I think that regardless of what kinds of parents a child has, the important thing is that the parents are committed and involved. Sure, he might be missing a fundamental which all children are born to: a mother. Of course, his mother gave birth to him. He HAS a mother, biologically. But he doesn't have a mother who behaves like a mother. Some people have trouble grasping that a mother would be neglectful because it is ONLY men who are bad parents, right? (The idea that mothers are superior parents drives me insane and it is very heavily seen in Utah LDS communities...)
This year for Mother's day, Jack decided to give me the card he made for Mother's day. He doesn't see himself as having a mother. Some ask "But you visit with his mom every week, right? She's around for him, right?" And yes, it is true, technically! She rarely shows up to visits but sometimes we see her. She's not involved heavily. But he doesn't see her as a mother. When he asked me what a parent was, I explained it was a man or a woman who took care of you. He said "Well, I don't have a woman who takes care of me... So I just have you!"
He doesn't ask why he doesn't have a mother. I explain that his mom is always his mother even if he doesn't live with her. He doesn't understand it completely because his mother doesn't act like a parent.
So what is this child to do who fits into the mold of the "unfortunate" children who doesn't have a parent of one particular sex to do on a holiday designed to honoring mothers?
Well, he made a card with a flower of his fingerprints on it. He also planted flower seeds probably a week or two ago in a plastic dixie cup. On the outside of the card, he wrote: "To Dad" and gave me the present. He was a little embarrassed because it was for mothers, but I told him I loved it (and I do!) ... I will add it to the pile of papers, drawings and such for his scrapbook I will eventually make.
He wasn't embarrassed he didn't have a mom. He was only embarrassed the card say "To my mother" which was a preprinted card created by the school. He was so proud to give me his card.
Strangers have told me in public that I'm doing a great job with my wife in raising our son. Jack is quick to say "I don't have a mom! I have a dad!" These strangers are then shocked when they see a father actively involved in raising a child.
When people, usually strangers, ask "Don't you think he is getting a disservice by not having a mother?" I say "I'm better than a mom and dad combined, so he doesn't need one of both!"
I'm involved in his life and providing the parenting he needs to succeed. To me, that should count for something.
Jack is happy with me being a mom-dad combination in one. I think that is good enough for me. He has no complaints. He says he has the best dad who makes him feel loved and safe. Maybe his mother will get her life straightened up and learn how to parent? I'll be happy getting Mother's Day presents until then. The flowers will look lovely planted in a pot on my front porch.
Sometimes these types of families make people uncomfortable.
Children of single mothers are pretty prominently accepted, overall. These children are often pitied because the fathers are evidently always bad guys... No one seems to question their parenting abilities.
Children of single fathers are oddities. No one seems to believe that fathers are fully capable of raising children. Many assume without a mother, a child is losing out on life.
Children of LGBT parents face some of the same issues as children of single parents. If a child has two mommies or two daddies, they assume that these children are losing out on something very fundamental. I agree... but I also disagree.
You see... I think that regardless of what kinds of parents a child has, the important thing is that the parents are committed and involved. Sure, he might be missing a fundamental which all children are born to: a mother. Of course, his mother gave birth to him. He HAS a mother, biologically. But he doesn't have a mother who behaves like a mother. Some people have trouble grasping that a mother would be neglectful because it is ONLY men who are bad parents, right? (The idea that mothers are superior parents drives me insane and it is very heavily seen in Utah LDS communities...)
This year for Mother's day, Jack decided to give me the card he made for Mother's day. He doesn't see himself as having a mother. Some ask "But you visit with his mom every week, right? She's around for him, right?" And yes, it is true, technically! She rarely shows up to visits but sometimes we see her. She's not involved heavily. But he doesn't see her as a mother. When he asked me what a parent was, I explained it was a man or a woman who took care of you. He said "Well, I don't have a woman who takes care of me... So I just have you!"
He doesn't ask why he doesn't have a mother. I explain that his mom is always his mother even if he doesn't live with her. He doesn't understand it completely because his mother doesn't act like a parent.
So what is this child to do who fits into the mold of the "unfortunate" children who doesn't have a parent of one particular sex to do on a holiday designed to honoring mothers?
Well, he made a card with a flower of his fingerprints on it. He also planted flower seeds probably a week or two ago in a plastic dixie cup. On the outside of the card, he wrote: "To Dad" and gave me the present. He was a little embarrassed because it was for mothers, but I told him I loved it (and I do!) ... I will add it to the pile of papers, drawings and such for his scrapbook I will eventually make.
He wasn't embarrassed he didn't have a mom. He was only embarrassed the card say "To my mother" which was a preprinted card created by the school. He was so proud to give me his card.
Strangers have told me in public that I'm doing a great job with my wife in raising our son. Jack is quick to say "I don't have a mom! I have a dad!" These strangers are then shocked when they see a father actively involved in raising a child.
When people, usually strangers, ask "Don't you think he is getting a disservice by not having a mother?" I say "I'm better than a mom and dad combined, so he doesn't need one of both!"
I'm involved in his life and providing the parenting he needs to succeed. To me, that should count for something.
Jack is happy with me being a mom-dad combination in one. I think that is good enough for me. He has no complaints. He says he has the best dad who makes him feel loved and safe. Maybe his mother will get her life straightened up and learn how to parent? I'll be happy getting Mother's Day presents until then. The flowers will look lovely planted in a pot on my front porch.